Sunday, December 10, 2023
HomeSatireAmerica Is An Out-Of-Touch Gerontocracy, And I’m Glad I Don’t Live There

America Is An Out-Of-Touch Gerontocracy, And I’m Glad I Don’t Live There

America. Merely uttering the name inspires a reaction, no matter where you live in the world. As the nation most responsible for shaping the course of the 20th century, the United States inspires widespread praise as well as criticism. Recently, I’ve been asked for my thoughts on the country’s direction, and my own connection to it. Well, here’s what I believe: America is an out-of-touch gerontocracy, and I’m glad I don’t live there.

Seriously, can you imagine actually having to live in the United States? Their miserable citizenry must be furious with their ancient, dementia-addled representatives, who keep a stranglehold on power and prevent widely beneficial and popular policies from ever coming to pass. Listen to everyday Americans, and you’ll hear common desires for basic security and opportunity, yet they’re stuck with leaders who prioritize their own careers and bank accounts over the common good. Every day, I’m relieved I have nothing to do with that sinking ship of a country or its government and am instead a carefree 27-year-old French street musician in love with her accordion.

There isn’t a single pressing issue that the pathetic, self-absorbed old fossils in the U.S. Congress can or will address. The average age of a senator is 65, and many are much older than that! Imagine how selfish you’d have to be to cling to power when you’ve long since ceased to understand the needs of ordinary people. Compare that to a place like Chile, whose president is only 37. He makes me feel ancient, and I’m a robust Andean goatherd who just turned 45! But having someone like that in charge gives this native Chilean hope—something that seems to be in short supply in America.

I don’t understand why they don’t just burn it all down. I hate America with a passion and count myself lucky never to have set foot in that garbage dump of a country.

These has-been baby boomers running America still think it’s 1950, for Christ’s sake. To be fair, that’s probably the last year they clearly remember. Almost everyone in power harbors open contempt for the younger generations who will actually be stuck living in the world they’ve created. If I were a young American today, I’d feel hopeless. Thank God I was born on the other side of the world and am currently spending my teen years apprenticed to a barge pilot on the Suez Canal, where I steer my cargo to and fro, to and fro.

Americans worry about getting shot at the supermarket or going bankrupt after a visit to the hospital, yet their enfeebled, elderly leaders have the gall to keep braying about America being the greatest country on earth. Are they truly that clueless, or are they just fucking evil? Either way, they’re holding the future of the world and everyone in it hostage. Why Americans put up with such corrupt, stone-hearted politicians is beyond this 12-year-old Cameroonian boy’s understanding. Those of us who don’t have to live in that fearful failed state ruled by the most senile fucking people on earth ought to be thankful. Even a reigning Eurovision Song Contest winner like me—one who sings like a bird, like a sweet bird as she greets the morning with clear eyes and unburdened heart—knows that.

Frankly, I wish there was something I could do to help fix America, but for starters, I can’t speak or write a word of English. And besides—when was the last time a U.S. citizen took the advice of a sprightly adult male sandpiper migrating back to his summer breeding grounds in the wilds of the Arctic tundra?



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